How come...

[cherish]

That even when I feel any amount of excitement concerning Darren anymore, I find it difficult to show it?

Read the brand new journal entry [about him finishing the album] and I felt this surge of something that could be called happiness or excitement or whatever...and for a moment, I was all ready to join in the posts about it (OK maybe not to such a "bopper" degree, but you know).

But when I opened the threads I suddenly lost the will to do that. Not because I'm not happy, or because I'm not glad he's finished it, or anything like that. But to be honest, I was amid this sea of bopper-like enthusiasm and call me mean, but it dampened my spirits just a little. I don't know why.

Shouldn't I be rejoicing in the fact that other people are happy too? It just seemed to... discourage me. Not from the album, not from wanting to hear it, or anything. Just from posting my true feelings about it, which if I ever do might take a while now because I want to gather my thoughts about it.

It's really confusing me, how I can't seem to express my emotion in front of other people, even though I know (and they know, in most cases) already how I feel. I tend to (usually IRL as well, when Mum brings the subject up) scorn any facts and it's stupid, because I usually let her know any news with a big smile, before changing my tune completely and brushing it off with a resounding derogatory noise like *cheh*.

I've said this before, but it's getting harder and harder to admit my enthusiasm before others...maybe I'm afraid of saying so because it's like going back on times when I didn't feel so enthusiastic?

It's not me, I'm pretty sure, because anything else (even tiny, little things!!) can get me jazzed sometimes, like I saw Brian Molko fleetingly on the TV the other day and screamed (I'm a freak, I know) or something similiar.

It's not because of Darren even. I was gushing about him the other day. (Don't tell anyone). But it's becoming more and more apparent to me that I can't express my feelings on the fanclub.

Sorry to ramble, but I'm just trying to get it into my head so maybe I can work out what's going on with me [img]eek.gif[/img]

xxSam

[DarrensPassion]

Sam, you're not alone, because recently I have found it increasingly difficult to join in in those types of threads over there too--------------> FC. To be quite honest, I think it is becoming somewhat of a competition over there as to who can express themselves as being the biggest bopper and some of the things posted just have such a childish, immature edge to them, that I can't be bothered to respond. It's not my style to post like that anyway. It's like some of them are vying for attention either from Darren or TJT and it irritates me. The plethora of identical threads just proves my point. Just like any slightly critical comment gets shouted down instantly [img]frown.gif[/img]

I feel it's a shame because it sort of spoils the excitement that I think you might normally feel. Everyone feels things differently and just because you don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make you any less of a fan. I think some of them who are shouting loudest at the moment might well rue their words if Darren's album isn't quite what they are expecting [img]wink.gif[/img] I prefer to reserve judgement until I've actually heard it and then if I like it, I will express my feelings accordingly. I have been posting less and less over there because of the all the bopperism that I'm encountering over there atm. The forced positivity is having a detrimental effect.

Janie xx

<font color="#9966FF"><font size="1">[ October 14, 2003 05:46 AM: Message edited by: DarrensPassion ]</font></font>

<font color="#9966FF" size="1">[ October 14, 2003 06:17 AM: Message edited by: DarrensPassion ]</font>

[cherish]

I agree Janie [img]smile.gif[/img] It *is* a competition. I'm not the most mature person you'll ever meet as regards to some things, but I like to think I express my points eloquently...I'd also like to think Darren would appreciate that too (not that I think he cares either way [img]tongue.gif[/img] ) but I *imagine* he would prefer intelligence. At least, I hope so. He used to anyway.

I realize I'm horribly biased towards some fans and I actually hate feeling like that...I'm almost openly dismissive. I wish I couldn't feel that way. I feel like a complete b*tch.

xxSam

[DarrensPassion]

Some of the things that get posted just insult our intelligence and are toe-curlingly cringe-worthy. If I were Darren, I think I'd be a bit embarassed at times! [img]graemlins/gulp.gif[/img]

Janie xx

[Twizzle]

I'm with you 2 re this topic.

Not only can't I express any excitement about anything to do with DH or his music - I DON'T feel any excitement regarding anything to do with DH or his music. Not one little teensy bit. So that's the end of the road for me, I suppose. [img]confused.gif[/img]

As for the f/c forum......*shudders* I just CANNOT enter into the spirit of things over there. A good number of the ppl who post on there seem to be so completely and utterly enslaved by being a DH fan that all rationality appears to have gone out of the window. It's like they've been brainwashed and it's a very freaky environment indeed. I find that I can't bring myself to read the majority of threads anymore b/c I just end up muttering curses at them. *lol*

[cherish]

I hope you find something to like in the new album Terry, but I can see why the magic's pretty much gone... at least it's not like over there, where the mere notion that they might not like it fills them with horror [img]wink.gif[/img]

I was just thinking, there's a gothic board that I go to, which isn't mean and it's fun and witty and all, but we don't take any trash from people. And I imagined letting the obsessive f/c-ers run free on there...they'd get slaughtered *g*

xxSam

[Twizzle]

I hope you find something to like in the new album Terry, but I can see why the magic's pretty much gone... at least it's not like over there, where the mere notion that they might not like it fills them with horror [img]wink.gif[/img]
***************

I hope so too Sam but if I don't, well, it's not like it's a terribly important thing and I don't think that I'll lose any sleep over it do you? [img]wink.gif[/img] lol

I LMAO at those threads where ppl were actually worrying whether or not they'd like his new album. FFS, talk about overreacting to something that hasn't even happened yet! [img]graemlins/sure.gif[/img]

<font color="#9966FF" size="1">[ October 14, 2003 08:29 AM: Message edited by: Twizzle ]</font>

[DarrensPassion]

I'm looking forward to hearing his new music and I'm still a fan [img]smile.gif[/img] I just don't enjoy all the bopperism surrounding that place atm.

Janie xx

[Twizzle]

Actually, I've decided that I'm far more excited about The Calling's new album. Gah! I love that band and they've been quiet for too long. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

Now, THAT will be worth queueing up for! [img]wink.gif[/img] lol

[DarrensPassion]

Yep I'm definitely looking forward to hearing that too [img]smile.gif[/img]

Janie xx